Thursday, June 12, 2008

sy rase diri sy katun amat
bile la nk matang
asyek keep deteriorating her ownself je
puji Allah dan istighfar la selalu cik dila

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

kadang2 untuk sesuatu yg lain, kite terpaksa korbankan apa yg sntiasa ada di sisi
kadang2 untuk org lain,kite kene korbankan apa yg sangat2 kita sayang
kadang2 demi menjaga hati yg lain,nyawa mungkin menjadi taruhan

mmg org yg beriman akan diuji
Ibrahim khalilullah rela menyembelih anaknya sndri demi perintah Allah
Yaakub as tabah menghadapi perpisahan dgn anak yg sntiasa berada di dpn matanya
sbb..org beriman yakin dgn janji Allah
mereka yakin dgn aturan Allah

~mengajar diri erti hidup


Sunday, May 11, 2008


kate mak kpd ijah lps tgk gamba terbaru nabilah..

"rupe die betul mcm kakak kamu,dahi same..abg kamu lain"

hahaha mak..betul2
i do feel the same
bile sy tgk gamba die yg mcm agak telah menggelapkan dirinya,mmg rase cam same
mase br lahir dlu ingt pipi je yg same
tp skang mmg nampak same except kening..tuh kening ibu die
huhu tp xbrani nk ngaku
sbb anak org



nabilah bole geng ngan ummi la eh..sbb kite kan same

huhu




Saturday, May 10, 2008

i miss my oldself
i miss my oldself
[ckp 40x]
trying to be as positive as i was in serata
acting to be as cool as i was in kisas
~struggling to strengthen my bond with alKhaliq
~keep struggling dila!!

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

nabilah saying good luck to her ummi and all aunties





sampai terpejam2 mate





one smile creates another smile

p.s: to aunty hajar,cepat sihat ok..nabilah dh sihat dh ni

Monday, April 28, 2008



nabilah on her 10th day,still under monitoring

abg kate:nape die asyek tdo je eh?

sy kate: ye la,baby mmg la keje die tdo je,bukannye die kene g sek lg

huhu ummi g sek,ummi kene bc buku la kan? (jgn tdo mengalahkan nabilah lak)

Thursday, April 24, 2008

sorry..i just cannot work under pressure [read:peer pressure]

sorry again,if it irritates u

Sunday, April 20, 2008

updates from nabilah




sleeping beauty



mcm tangkap gamba passport lak pose ni (sy thn saket la ni ummi)
assalamualaikum to all..look, i'm ok


bismillahirahmanirrahim..

presenting the first newborn in our family..

YASMIN NABILAH BINTI ZULHILMI (masih belum berdaftar kt jpn lg mase sy tulis ni..xpe beya,opah kan keje buat daftar lewat,jgn risau)



u look so sihat la beya



pipi beya mcm ummi je huhu



sweet smile..keep smiling dear


..born on the April,17th (wt 2.7kg),hosp sg buloh
..still in the neonatal intensive care unit,got some problems during delivery

mase mule2 ummi dpt ur pics from ur ayah, ternanges gk..syukur sgt to see u alive+kesian tgk wyr2+sbb u cute sgt+i sensed ur smile in the 3rd pic.(NB i started calling myself ummi since apr,17th huhu)..so excited to see u..u r so damn cute dear..very2 adorable..oh oh oh (i wasn't there on ur parents wedding, wasn't there also when u were born..sory so much dear,but i promise u i got so many cute-posh-pinky clothes for u,wait for ummi eh)

teringat satu verse quran dr surah al-balad(90:4)..penah go thru tafsir mase dlm usrah dlu

لَقَدْ خَلَقْنَا الإِنسَـنَ فِى كَبَدٍ
Verily, We have created man in Kabad (in hardship n seeking livehood)

syed qutb kate dlm fizilal quran..mmg proses kejadian manusia sndri tuh pn dh susah,n detik2 die nk lahir kt dunia pn die dh stat susah..anak ngan ibu same2 berusaha,pastu waktu anak tuh first nk bernafas sndri kt luar,n jengukkan diri kt luar,proses ni mmg susah mmg sukar..n a very2 crucial moment.

nabilah..smg beya kuat ye,byk lg yg beya kene tempuh kan dunia ni..be strong dear..don't ever2 give up, u don't hv to worry to live in this world, Allah has given us the manual to follow..come on,join us to become ummatan wasoto as Allah mentioned in the Quran..be strong,be strong..strive hard ya!!

for ur ibu n ayah [ie abg n k ina],u guys hv to be strong also..ini dunia barumu..u got anak utk dicorakkan,don't let urselves dipersalahkan nnt,paint her well..paint her with all good values recommended by Allah n rasulullah..let's tegakkan taqwa's flag in her heart,keep the fujur's flag buried far far away.

hey ummi..u hv to be strong also ya,wake up wake up..lg 3minggu je ur journey to final
penat u blaja dr tadika,don't ever2 give up la..sket lg je

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

i feel bad..really2 bad
sy takut dgn mase lps sy
pls..sape yg sy berhutang dgnnya do claim eh
sape2 yg sy ade buat salah dgnnya, do inform me spy sy bole mintak maaf
kalo x kt sy,do tell my family
sape2 yg berhutang dgn sy, it's ok if u can't make it..just hope that u'll pray for my keselamatan n kesejahteraan in this life, the Hereafter and on the D-day (day of judgement)

between reality n fantasy; i could not differentiate both

so, do tell me..which is reality n which's fantasy

ya Allah, make me strong to face this world as i couldn't bare to face the torments of hereafter.

Friday, April 04, 2008

mase mule2 sy open blog ni..niat nak tulis pasal something yg sy rase xbest kt dalam ni..tp tetibe ade thought coming mengatakan bahwa sy xpatut tulis tuh kt sini.."don't share ur sadness here, nnt syaitan bace, die akan cube dr arah belakang depan kiri kanan utk menggoyangkan sy"

sy patut share mende laen yg lagi berfaedah utk sy reflek, n might be beneficial for others too..

penah x rase once bile kite dpt tau sesuatu tuh, tetibe mende tuh dtg bertubi2..mcm nk menguatkan n mcm nk bg 2nd 3rd 4th imunisasi (betul ke istilah utk cucuk2 imunisasi tu?once blaja mase form 5 dlu je skali,xbertubi2 dh pasti pasal immunisasi ni)

cth: ade smthg yg tetibe caught our eyes,n tetibe lps tuh asyek nampak mende tuh je,jumpe kat mane2 wlpn tanpa dirancang?

ade org kate: mmg sblm ni mende tuh mmg sntiasa ade, tp kite je yg xpasan..tuh la once bile kite dh prasan kite rase asyek jumpe je

tp hati sy kuat mengatakan (wah, ini mcm sy yg dlu..slalu berckp dgn hati sndri) "tak..kalo dr dlu dh ade,dh lame sy pasan"

but bile dh blaja ToK kt KMB dlu br sy prasan akan kewujudan phrase ini : "Seeing is believing or believing is seeing?"

ni,bile dh semakin tua ni..mula la rase mcm2 bersimpul siur dlm hati, dlm otak..ade yg elok folded membentuk bentuk2nya tersendri ade yg unfolded bersepah2 sane sini.

kenkdg rase NUMB je (ya Allah, jgnla keraskan hati sy..jgn Kau matikan hati ini..hidup suburkanla dgn makrifatMu)

dgr tp xrase pape
lihat tp xrase pape
bace tp xrase pape
rase tp xrase pape

see..sy mcm dh meleret lak ni..lari dr ape yg sy nk tulis awal2 td

baiklah, sy rase better sy statekan ape mende yg dtg bertubi2 kt sy semenjak due menjak terdekat ni

1) pasal mati
2) konsep jgn takut jgn sedih (la takhafuu wa la tahzanuu)

Dua mende ni sy dgr bertubi2, bkn dr org yg sama, bukan di tempat yg sama, bukan pada waktu yg sama tp mmg bertalu2 dlm mase 3minggu ni

even dlm tempoh satu session sy jumpe ayat Allah yg ckp pasal jgn takut jgn sedih ni dlm Quran kt mcm2 tempat..satu bile bincang pasal konsep iman, satu bile cite pasal perang uhud, satu bile ckp pasal hari akhirat..seperti bese bile penyampai bg no ayat,cepat2 sy bukak quran tgk ayat tuh,bile die ckp pasal laen pn bukak2 stil jumpe ayat yg same..Allah ckp jgn takut jgn sedih

sampai sy terpikir..ade pakatan ape2kah

tp sy xrase pakatan itu wujud

yg sy rase..Allah has sent them to me..bacakan ayat2 tuh utk sy

mungkin itu yg sy perlukan skang ni

ingt mati itu pasti

jgn sedih dgn ape yg dh lps

dan jgn takut dgn ape yg akan dtg

sbb ape yg dh lps n ape yg bakal berlaku sumenye aturan ALlah

n kene yakin..Allah know the best for us, for me

Thursday, April 03, 2008

byk sgt yg sy blaja dlm tempoh spring hols ni..byk yg teramat byk..bile dlm perjalanan tu slalu refleks n karang ayat dlm ati,tp x terkongsi2 kt blog pn, or xtertulis2 dlm my own DD..byk2 sgt mende yg Allah ajar sy,kenkdg mende tuh dtg bertubi2,kenkdg mende tuh dtg tetibe,n kengkdg mende tuh dtg implicitly.

masya Allah
subhana Allah
alhamdulillah
astaghfirullah astaghfirullah astaghfirullah

"Our Lord! You have not created this without purpose, glory to You, Give us salvation from the torment of the Fire" [3:191]

it might take me 3 or 4 hours or might be a whole day for me to share what did i learn here{ what did i observe, what did knock my heart, what happened to my soul my heart,how Allah has arranged my own syllabus in a beautiful way(kenkdg menyakitkan juge), how the "Jgn takut dan jgn sedih"concept cherishes muslim life}..but i really2 want to share it with somebody..hope i could beramal with my knowledge n understanding, n i hope i do could tell people,share with them the beauty of living as hamba Allah,hope Allah will always give me strength to stay istiqamah with this deen,will always show and guide me to the right way, accept my repentance, firm my heart in this deen..indeed, knowing Allah is the greatest gift ever gifted to me

Thursday, March 06, 2008

td after klas solat kt ex-locker room (kt tepi toilet,dlu penuh dgn locker skang dh xde locker so lapang je)..tgh2 solat tuh ade la dgr org sembang2 kt blakang tu (rasenye kt dpn pintu toilet)..ckp die freezing in her house la,pakai stokin dlm umah la da da da (ish btape xkhusyuk nye sy..faghfirli ya Allah)

tetibe sy rase diorg pasan sy solat kt situ,n trus bisik2 sambil menyalahkan diri sndri n pastu ilang..

sy teruskan je la solat mcm bese

lps solat trus menuju ke computer centre sbb nk siapkan tutorial ptg tu gk (sy internet-dependent person, sy xbole study or buat keje dgn kusi dan meja shj)

toktektoktek dpn komp tetibe ade org duk sblh..sy knl die,budak chem gk,sy rase die spanish,die amat cantek (org uk xcantek sgt)

die tny sy,sy ke yg dlm bilik tu(bilik ke?ntah xsure) td,n trus die ckp sory sbb die kate die xpasan pn sy ade kt situ,n sory sory da da da

ape yg bole sy ckp xpe xpe

sy pn xkesah je,lgpn sy bukannye knl pn sape yg berbicara itu

sy pn tahu diorg xpaham pn erti solat tuh sbnrnye

tp nampak la kesungguhan mereka menghormati org laen

tp utk org islam yg solat,(do we really know what we r doing?)

kt surau sndri pn ade je org smbng2,gelak2 padahal ade org tgh solat

bile azan pn masih bising2 buat xtau

n bole je sambung buat keje laen tanpa mengendahkan azan tuh

betapa xsensitifnya hati kite kadang2

betapa kite xmerasakan kewujudan tuhan tu

tahu tuhan ade,tp xsedar tuhan ade

Ya Allah Ya tuhan kami, kami menzalimin diri kami sndri,maka ampunkanlah kami

La ilaha illa anta, subhanaka inni kuntu minnal dzolimin

Monday, February 25, 2008

rasuah (in malay)

rasyuah ( in arabic)

corruption (in english)

so people

before pointing to others

claiming they practise rasuah

have a self diagnosis

if they so,

how about you?

are you sure you are not?

hey people

come on la

you better check yourself

prevent people from doing so

yet

have yourself clean first ya =]

p.s. corruption could happen anywhere, by anybody

i am not saying this out of nothing

just realising something seems to be not ok happening

but i do not know the hukum

just my heart do feel it is corrupted
darilah tenggelam di lautan rindu
biarlah ku terbang ke puncak cinta

xtau nape rase rindu sgt
sy rindu sis france yg duk umah sy smgu lps?
sy rindu femly?
rindu dengaq k aini crite?
rindu pengisian yg xdpt byk sy dpt kerna perasan diri sibok
rindu kucing8 sy?

dlm ketertekanan ini,ku kerinduan
huhu

rabbi yassir wa la tu'assir
rabbi tammi bilkhair

Sebenarnya hati ini cinta kepada Mu
Sebenarnya diri ini rindu kepada Mu
Tapi aku tidak mengerti
Mengapa cinta masih tak hadir
Tapi aku tidak mengerti
Mengapa rindu belum berbunga
Tuhan hadiahkanlah kasih Mu kepadaku
Tuhan kurniakanlah rinduku kepada Mu
Moga ku tahu
Syukur ku hanyalah milik Mu

Thursday, February 21, 2008

sy agak tertekan
play windows player rase bising
pause rase sunyi

sy rindu

dlm dunia ni sume kene ade tawazun (keseimbangan)
so dila, the more difficult the situation is, the stronger ur rohani should be
without tawazun, pincangla segalanya

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

the development of ferrocene-containing compounds in the treatment of breast cancer

6993 words to go

come on dila

Saturday, February 16, 2008

alasan demi alasan

umah sejuk sgt la..xleh nk buat ape

duvet tuh cam cengkerang..(ke batu belah batu betangkup?)..susah sgt nk lps kalo dh ditelengkup di dalamnya

xleh study la kt sini, cannot googleing

panassssnyyyeeee

kerasnye kusi ni

oh ade keje laen lg lg penting

owwh esok nk jumpe pattenden

dh buat dh,tp last2 lupe (ni betul)

cm xberkesan je stadi awal2 ni,nnt lupe gk (niat study xbetul la tu)

oh kalo nk list alasan2,mmg xkan abes..kang xpasal2 (sbb tulis blog,jd alasan gk)

dila,just be honest to urself la

u know kan what've u done

xyah riso2, u hv Him to share,to repent,to ask etc

hadith 4,hadith 4,hadith 4..digest btul2 to ur bola besi

Monday, February 11, 2008



tepon umah,mulanya ingin btnya ttg perkembangan anak2 ibu..dh balik umah ke ape..
tp tetibe dpt berita yg amat memeranjatkan.."akak..akak nk tau x,ude dh branak..tp anak xjd"
hoho amat memeranjatkan..
adek manje sy,budak yg sy pokpok suh tdo bile tghhari,yg sy sangkutkan kt tgn bile nk buat keje(badan die amat lembik,sangkut cam sangkut kain je kt tgn ni,die diam la kt situ),yg sntiasa ade kt tepi sy tgk je sy masak,yg xde effect ape2 wlpn sy simbah air kt die,yg sy basuhkan kaki die lps die kencing,sy tdo ngan sy,yg makan durian,yogurt,aiskim,kepek,maruku ngan sy,yg makan beras sy tumbuk utk goreng cempedak,yg sy bawak jln2 g klinik haiwan..yg etc etc (ini sume berlaku pd cuti summer lps jun-sep07)

tetibe dh branak
die dh dewasa
die br berusia sthn (lahir 31jan2007)
huhu
ude
jage diri baek2
ijah kate die pn cam terkejut..die duk atas perut ijah mase tuh lps kuar masuk kotak yg disediakan utk ibu
die tgk je ijah,pastu tetibe ade mende kuar
ijah call ayah suh ayah balik sbb mak spt bese (akan lebih kalut)
ayah gelak je bile ijah ckp de beranak
tetibe je
perut pn cam bese je
huhu

ude
ni adalah ujian hidup
slamat menghadapinya
kalo ade anak nnt jg baek2,jgn turunkan ur prangai kt anak2..penin la kalo byk ude



Sunday, February 10, 2008

mak kate ibu dh selamat melahirkan
2ekor..itam dan putih
tp xde kt umah,sbb ibu cam membawa diri kali ni
xtau nape
ade sedikit prasaan dlm ati,tp cepat2 hapuskan
sbb mereka bukan kepunyaan sy,sy xberhak menentukannya
Allah la yg pemberi rezeki kpd sume makhluknya
Dia tau mane yg terbaek buat sumenya ciptaanNya
smg anak2 ibu sihat n xterseksa


skang sy lg excited nk tgu baby girl dlm perut k ina tuh kluar (bkn beralih kasih,tp lg risau..anak2 ibu pastinya sudah islam secara karhan..tiada ujian keimanan utk mereka)
baby,acik beli baju pink banyak2 utk baby eh
(nk suh baby panggil ape eh?)
smg baby nnt dpt jd anak yg solehah
muslimah as what muslimah shud be
tlg bwk femly kite ngan org laen gk ke jalan Allah yg lurus
dpt jd geng acik
oh,mungkin sbb kite jauh,acik xdpt tgk baby membesar..tp baby kene ingt doa acik sntiasa ade utk baby
pastinya skang sume dh tertulis utk baby,umur,ajal,kebahagian,kesusahan..pengakhiran;syurga neraka..
let's wait n see
slamat kembali ke dunia yg smntara ni
selamat menghadapi ujian ini utk kembara yg akan dtg lak
ps:baby is anak abg ngan k ina (1st in the femly)
pss:baby,maaf acik xtau ur name..ur dad xnak gtau,die kate tgu nnt surprise
nnt bile u dh ade around nnt kite pk panggilan ape eh,what shud i call u n what shud u call me

Friday, February 08, 2008

my heart saying : i am not ok

ku merintih
aku menangis
ku meratap
aku mengharap
ku meminta..

"Verily, We have created man in Kabad" (90:4)
so dila,bese la as manusia kite kne susah2 ni

Ya Latif
Ya Latif
Ya Latif

Ya Allah, yassir wa la tu'assir
Ya Allah, tammil bilkhair

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

monday;chem X1,sblm dpt supervisor
"Ya Allah,jgnla dpt topic yg susah2"

wednesday;my room
"Ya Allah,nk buat topic ape ni?"

ohh..3hari dh berlalu..mase smkin suntuk,task perlu disiapkan
suggested topic pn xde lagi..apetah lg approved topic

bile diberi kebebasan utk memilih,itulah sbnrnye saat yg plg sukar

Ya Allah,jgn kau biarkan nasib kami ditentukan oleh diri kami sndri,wlau kadar sekelip mata atau pada masa yg lebih kurg dr itu
Ya Allah yg Maha memperkenankan doa,perkenankanlah"

utk my anak/cucu/cicit..let me introduce,this is my supervisor
http://www.nottingham.ac.uk/~pczgp1/pattenden-main.html

sy harap senyuman dowden xmempunyai ape2 maksud tersirat pada petang itu
juga sy waswas dgn sambutan baek dowden pd ptg itu

pls pls pls ya Allah,make it easy for me
i'm not pursuing for phd

~sy yg masih keliru dgn SN1 vs SN2 rxn + kinetic n thermodynamics control rxn tibe2 terpakse disupervised oleh syeikh kabir organic chemistry~

Saturday, January 19, 2008

terribly missing somethings in my life

Friday, January 04, 2008

sy dpt msg dr cekgu chemistry sy mase kt kmb dlu
sy amat suke
huhu
sy pn nk jd cam beliau
sy nk jd cekgu kimia gk
sy nk jd cekgu kimia yg paham ape itu kimia
bukan yg skema mengikut skema jwpn

oleh itu..sy haruslah pahamkan ape yg saye blaja ini
huhu
paham camne?
dgn hati la kan
kalo paham gune otak sy yg xsbrp ni mesti lupe nye after exam
sy xnak nnt org tny sy jwb lupe padahal sblm tuh dh tau

kesimpulannye..huhu tetibe xnak exam oriented
xnak buat past yrs?(mmg xnak)
huhu